Slave beaver_fever

Today I was locked in my tightest steel chastity cage by my divine superior Goddess Abi.  She demanded that I smack each testicle hard 10 times.  By the third slap, I was on the floor whimpering like a pathetic bitch.  It took a long time to get to 10 on just one testicle.  By the end of it all my inhibitions were melting away. My hand felt less under my control.  It was just a tool for my Goddess to punish me with.  As my brain turned off I began slapping the other testicle, moaning her name… ”Goddess Abi”, until the rhythmn began to sink in..

”Goddess Abi” WHACK “ARRGHHHH” as I recoil into the fetal position and wince. Breathing slowly levels out, the pain slowly settles….”Goddess Abi” WHACK “ARRRRRGHHH”

Knowing this is what the real experience of serving her in person would feel like gave me great comfort as I endured this excruciating experience while dazed and gazing at her divine breasts 

Mistress has rendered me helplessly horny, lonely, and desperate as punishment for failing her.  Turning my manhood and libido against me is easy for her to do, but has devastating effects on a weak desperate slave like me.  My failure to be consistent in following my task every night suggests disloyalty to my Mistress, therefore my punishment is appropriate and deserved.  This time spent wasting away with my pathetic pig dick, lapping water out of a bowl all day has reinforced my own feelings of shame and failure.  I am motivated to serve my Mistress even more deeply, and I shudder at the thought of ever fucking up again. I serve Mistress Abi, no one else, especially myself.  I hope to be trained ever harder going forward as a promise of my loyalty and as motivation to never fuck up and disappoint my Mistress again

Today the feeling has sunk in that I am a disappointment as a slave.  I realize that I have selfish tendencies which caused me to fail to put my perfect Goddess first. My Goddess Abi has shown me mercy by punishing me, keeping my tiny  piglet dick from cumming and keeping me on the floor drinking my water out of a bowl like a stupid dog.  I am desperate to make up for my offense. My weekend will be devoted to gazing at my Goddess’s body and reminding myself that I don’t deserve it.   I am grateful for my harsh punishments, they will make me a better slave for my Goddess.  I exist to please her. My Mistress deserves a loyal slave who doesn’t fuck up and I deserve endless suffering for failing her. Anything short of that is mercy that humbles me to my core. It is the privilege of a lifetime to be trained to be Goddess’s disgusting toilet pig whore, and I will repeat this in my mind until it is time to serve her again

I failed my Mistress last night by forgetting to say goodnight.  I confessed my failure hoping to minimize the offense, but Mistress was rightfully furious with me.  I have had my orgasms reduced and my next task cancelled due to my failure to respect my Mistress, and I deserve it.  I plan to be a better pathetic bitch for her going forward, and I will drink all my water from a dog bowl for her in order to prove my submission.  I will honor all my punishments and suffer to my Mistress’s expectations in order to make up for this offense. I am filled with shame and sorrow, but it is not enough to make amends

My owner Mistress Abi has reminded me how much I thrive and feel a sense of belonging when I’m under strict control from a sadistic Domme.  When I do her tasks I feel like a puppet or a robot, forced to endure every trauma and humiliating feeling as I transform into her degraded pathetic obedient little bitch.  She makes sure I feel disgusting and helpless and the deeper I go, the more free I feel.  Freedom to me is total enslavement with no escape.  I think often about how grateful I am to be Mistress Abi’s disgusting loser whore.