Slave MrCellophane71

One of the pharmacists in the local place I go to for my old man medications is an incredibly beautiful woman, young and tattooed and probably gothy when she's not in her white coat. There's something quite humiliating about being served by someone so (seemingly) physically perfect, being aware that she knows all of my ailments and conditions.

Do I imagine the expression of contempt she wears when I pick up my prescriptions, or is she just one of those girls who knows she's hot and doesn't care to hide how disgusted she is by the common swine she has to deal with?

I hate it - but then, being a pervert, I also like it? Pathetic.

Yesterday I added a fever to my tendonitis, so these are not good days, even for a masochist. Wrong kind of pain entirely. Managed a little writing for a project my Mistress is doing, but brain no work good.

Yesterday marks one month's official ownership by Diosa Luna, and think I'm beginning to see some slight muscle gains in my arms(?). I'm annoyed that my ankle injury has interrupted our routine and want to be healed ya. But at least being unable to move easily has crushed my libido and reduced my craving for S&M, so maybe that's a good thing.

The SM algorithm tasked me with yet another Surrender that was hell on my ankles. It's done, but Mistress has said it will be the last out of concern for my health. I appreciate it and hope to find other ways in which I can be useful to her.

Another painful Surrender, still only at level 4. I'm genuinely afraid to move to level 5 as I don't know what level of cruelty those tasks might involve - also, the minimum bail is A LOT.  But if the flames earned get my Mistress towards her goal more quickly of course I will try one.

Found myself wishing there was a way to talk to other slaves on Slave Market. Perhaps a public forum that Mistresses could monitor would be nice? But maybe it's more appropriate that slaves are prevented from communicating; yet one more way that we are reminded of our inferiority and their power.

Completed a Surrender that was extremely painful, and stupidly messed up my ankles in the process. Another reminder that my body is old and incapable even if my mind remains juvenile.

Today marks four weeks since I found Slave Market and sent the first message to my Mistress. The first four weeks of my life in which I've managed a consistent exercise regime, thanks to her. I feel very lucky.

Messages from Mistress: "You will do a Surrender every day. Tomorrow we will do toy control and next week we will do an edging challenge and see how many days you last."

Orders like this give me an instant erection, and that makes me blush, and I'm reminded how easily she can control me with a few words from the other side of the world. I pray she gets some satisfaction and enjoyment from the power she has over me; that the job of long distance Dominatrix is fun in some way that isn't merely financial and doesn't just feel like an admin chore.

The storm of horniness passed, and I became able to think with my bigger brain again. I still regret acting on the desperate urges of my hormones, and bugging my Goddess for attention... But despite not having cum, I am calmer and less tense than 2 nights ago. Perhaps a little edging is all I need.

Last night I asked Mistress for permission to masturbate, and after I completed a brief task she granted my wish. But then I realised that the freedom to cum wasn't what I craved; I wanted instructions, or conditions, or supervision. I needed her involvement in my base, gross act of self-gratification.

I felt ashamed to be asking her to do more work, to give me more of her time and energy and attention, when obviously there are many other things she'd rather be doing than indulge one more pathetic slave. I apologised and as ever she was very kind.

But I let my libido get the better of my judgement, and took up more of her time than I should have. Something I need to work on.

My Mistress entered me into two Contests and I failed to win either of them. I feel like I've let her down and wait anxiously to learn what my punishment will be.

Yesterday's live video session was even more humiliating than I had expected. Mistress worked at her kitchen table while I exercised; I assume she could see me on her laptop or phone screen but never knew if she was watching.

It's the first time I have seen her, and she seemed serious and distant. I felt pathetic and guilty for imposing on her time. That contradiction again: I deeply desire/need the attention of women (and obviously am prepared to pay for that privilege) and yet I am uncomfortable and unhappy with myself for trying to fulfill the need.

In the end, I suppose everybody wants to feel desired (sexually or socially) rather than simply tolerated. So it's not that deep. I hope she at least gets some kind of amusement from our interactions.

She told me yesterday that I am too harsh on myself and that she doesn't like it when I say these things, so this will be the last time I write like this.

Sorry for being a whiny little bitch, Goddess.

Today's workout will happen on live camera with La Diosa able to watch me, should she choose to. She also wishes to supervise my performance of two tasks. I'm nervous.

With photos and recorded videos I have some degree of control over what she sees - but on live camera my body is going to be exposed with all its flaws, and I feel ashamed and worried that she will be disgusted by this pale ugly old man with bloated gut and chicken legs.

The reality of my body makes me miserable, and inflicting the sight on someone much younger and more beautiful causes me guilt. And yet, perversely, being seen is what I crave.

Brains are weird.

I performed one of yesterday's tasks in a way that deviated slightly from Mistress's instructions, hoping to impress her. She made me repeat the task correctly.

I appreciate that attention to detail.

In my search for an online Mistress I played briefly with two who, it became quickly obvious, didn't care at all about the dynamic and were interested only in receiving tribute. Not on Slave Market, I must add.

The last Domme I approached before finding this site was the opposite. She wanted Total Power Exchange, insisting I put all my limits in writing before we began, and warning that there would be no room to negotiate or adapt later - and no safe word. Not something I felt safe with, and so it went nowhere.

Gracias a La Diosa que por fin la encontré.

It seems we are both quite busy this week, but my Goddess has still given me a list of tasks to fulfill. One will be very painful, and though I don't think she is a genuine sadist I hope she will get some enjoyment from my suffering when she sees the video.

Another is an escalation of a task she has given me before -- more difficult to complete this time. I wonder if she is deliberately pushing me towards failure so that she will have reason to punish me.

Part of me hopes so. I would hate to disappoint her in reality, but receiving punishment solely for her amusement might(?) be fun.

A message from my Mistress regarding changes to my exercise regime. She knows way more about working out than I do - I have zero interest in reading fitness advice, because every site and blog and trainer seems to contradict all the others, and after ten minutes of reading I'm frustrated and bored out of my mind with the whole idea. So I will gladly follow her orders, and the fact that she cares enough to want to improve me gives me even more confidence in her.

Again I'm filled with admiration for the Slave Market site, where all kinds of Dommes gather to fulfill every individual subby need. Want to be drained financially in exchange for almost nothing? You can! Looking for a woman to call you a useless worm, or watch you dress up in a frilly pink maid outfit, or mock the size of your cock as you edge for hours? They're here!

Personally, I need someone to force/encourage me to get fitter by way of carrot-and-stick kink play - and I'm delighted to have found her.

The third week of ownership begins. Today is a workout day. My lazy body has no desire to lift weights, but will obey; my Goddess has demanded a spanking in the middle of the routine and that is an incentive.

I would like to begin an official chastity challenge to earn Fame for her, but if the rules state that the cage must remain locked 24/7 I'll have to buy one that's suitable to sleep in. I can be trusted not to touch myself - I have once lasted throughout Locktober - but perhaps painful night erections are part of the game.

17 days without orgasm, only once being permitted a ruined ejaculation while caged.

For a long time my masturbation fantasies have involved being under the control and observation of a Domme, or Dommes, who would choose when or if I was allowed to cum. The porn I watch involves groups of women taunting and edging a helpless man, and then continuing to stimulate him after he has ejaculated. Their laughter and mocking sympathy turns me on like nothing else.

I'm now finding out what it's like to be in that position. I'm horny,almost constantly, but have no will to masturbate without the explicit permission of the Goddess. I live each day hoping that this will be the one when it amuses her to give me a cock-based task. When she messages me I begin to leak almost immediately.

New depths of submission and surrender.

Day 6 under official Ownership of la Diosa Luna.

She messages me and tells me I will be doing a task via video call. I'm instantly excited; it will be the first time I've seen and spoken to her live. She disillusions me - there will be no video shown on her end. I'm disappointed, but imagine I will at least get to hear her instructions.

No dice. The video call is one way only; me naked and observed, her orders coming through by text. The task is to adopt a series of slave positions, holding each one for a certain amount of time before moving on to the next.

I wait in the first position for her call to come through. She keeps me waiting. I'm semi hard and leaking precum, feeling pathetic that I am so easily aroused. A grown man, waiting naked for a beautiful young woman on the other side of the world to bless me with her attention for a brief while. I feel ashamed.

When she's ready she makes the call, and I connect and move through the positions, counting the seconds as I hold each one, trying to meet the eye of the lens on the back of my phone, aware of the Goddess watching me from miles away. One posture is hell on my knees and I struggle with it. I wonder if there will be punishment for inadequate posture.

When I complete the sequence I hear a chime of the video call disconnecting. A message appears with a single word: Good! Afterwards I mention my problem with my aged knees, and her concern for my wellbeing comes through. She tells me to give more specific feedback on the task.

I feel she has a process of testing and getting to know her slaves, exploring our abilities and limits in order to take full advantage of her property. It makes me feel valued and cared for.

I adore her.

pation.

Yesterday was exhausting. A strenuous workout, followed by recording a painful video entry for the Punishment contest, followed by an attempt to cum via wand vibrator - which I failed to manage. At 54 years old my body no longer does what I want it to. Thankfully, my Mistress is patient and understanding.

I think a lot about age, these days. My Femdom fantasies developed when I was very young, but throughout my slim & energetic & virile twenties there was little I could do to fulfill them. Pre-internet, making connections with other kinky folk was hard. Of course there were professional Dommes, but sessions were unaffordable to me at that time.

I see a lot of young people on Slave Market and Fetlife and I envy them for the opportunities they have available. It must be great to be able to practice BDSM when one's body is still fit enough to make the most of it.

Fifteen days since I first messaged my Goddess Luna, and four days into her official Ownership of me.

We've talked every day, about much more than kink. She's charming and funny, and most of the time we chat like friends - though I sense a strictness in her and if anything doesn't please her she is quick to tell me. I love the dynamic we are developing, and how seriously she takes her role. I have not seen her cruel side yet, and part of me yearns to. But I have no desire to see her truly angry.

She lives in a timezone that is four hours behind mine and she keeps her mornings free, so my days feel very long as I wait for her to come online. As the hours of the afternoon tick by, I shiver with antici

I really like the Slave Market site. It seems to have been designed by someone who really understands Femdom from both sides, and I appreciate the effort and imagination that has been put into its creation.

One of the main challenges of seeking a D/s relationship with a professional - at least for those of us who are not wealthy - is that such a relationship can be very expensive. The Fame system is a beautiful workaround, allowing slaves to work for their Mistresses in a meaningful way without incurring extra costs that might make a relationship financially impossible. The Contests and Surrenders and Logs encourage slaves and Mistresses to work together creatively for the benefit of both, deepening the bond between them and inspiring activities they might not otherwise have considered.

I feel lucky and grateful to have so quickly found an owner who is enriching my life in so many ways, and my gratitude goes to whoever is behind the site as well as to her.

On the first day of my ownership trial, Diosa Luna asks how often I see a doctor and dentist. When I tell her I avoid the dentist, she orders me to go for a check up.

Three days later, tense in the dental surgery, I'm told I need all 4 wisdom teeth removed plus some kind of brutal deep cleaning process. This is not what I expected or hoped for when I decided to become a slave - but I'm encouraged by the feeling that my Mistress has genuine concern for my health and fitness.

Under her observation I'm lifting weights three times a week, something I need to do but don't want to because it's so boring and unpleasant. The longest I've managed to continue training alone is two weeks. With her encouragement I'm trusting I will make it a regular part of my life, and maybe finally develop visible biceps.

One of the first tasks she gave me was to do 50 push ups without a break.  Failure would lead to 50 slaps on the balls minus the number of successful push ups completed. 

I had to slap my balls 42 times that day. I hope the video made her smile.