Slave Petenyse

It has been very peaceful falling back into the submissive state and focusing on being a good slave. I've had some really nice tasks and have broken my previous chastity streak.

In some ways I can't wait to be freed from my chastity cage of course but in other ways I look forward to continuing to wear it. It feels like a bit of armor from the world and from myself. It keeps my intentions more pure in tasks and in serving Mistress Roxy. Having the option of my traditional means of self pleasure off the table has opened up other things I can focus on including other forms of pleasure. 

This week I realized that my intentions as a slave became confused. I started to believe that I was here for my pleasure and I started subtly making demands. Mistress Roxy wasn't taking any shit but was kind in her firmness.

After some reflection, I have a better understanding of what it means to be a slave. It is for Mistress Roxy's pleasure and purpose that I am here. I am here to serve her and to do as she says, with no questions, complaints or push back (subtle or overt). It was a relief to come to this conclusion and I slept like a baby, happily back in chastity, ready to submit. My nature and my happiness come from submission. I don't know why I ever thought otherwise.

Thank you Mistress Roxy for the correction and for your patience with me. I will be better and I am here to serve. 

I've been thinking about my desire to be dominated. I come into it with people pleasing tendencies and I've found a mistress I want to please, a lot. I quite like her and I find it easy to do exactly as she says, at least to the best of my ability. And I find that it does expand my horizons, introduce me to new things.

But it doesn't feel quite honest on my part, to simply lay out some fantasies or ideas about what I'd enjoy doing and then lay down for whatever comes my way. It must be boring for my mistress too.

My honest feeling and desire right now is to disobey, to challenge and to confront and to get honest wrath and honest punishment. I don't want to frustrate my mistress but all my instincts are telling me, tell her no and then see where that leads.

So with that, I will say, no more CBT for me, much less sissy, no anal insertions and no more caging my cock! I do want to tell my fantasies, confess things about myself and my thoughts and take pain and embarrassment and perform duties when I don't please my mistress. 

It felt great finally getting to cum though I had a bit of stage fright maybe and it wasn't as explosive as I thought it might be but it was still such a relief. After today's session I am kinda dying to release again. 

I've had some wonderful sessions from the rock star of Mistresses, Mistress Roxy. I am starting to get a sense for how this dance works and I feel these first sessions, while great and liberating, are but a prelude or practice. I am committed to being the best sub I can be, to fully committing and being open and honest. 

I do feel a growing desire to embrace the concept of ownership. I love hearing it every time it comes up. I love to be owned. I think a lot of kneeling at her feet, curling up next to her, eyes down, doing absolutely anything she asks. I love the openness of it and where it may lead me. 

I am so happy to be owned and I genuinely can't wait to please my mistress! And I love the new name mistress gave me, it's perfection. 

What's on my mind most is that I haven't cum for a week. This is the longest in a long while for me. It actually hurts a bit 😂 I like it but it's difficult and I've noticed it's making me attracted to people in an animalistic way. When I realize that is happening, I reground myself. I don't want to lust after random people and I don't need to. I can do this. 

I'm struggling a bit to get my chastity device on. I haven't been directed to wear it yet but I wanted to try it on. I keep getting hard when I try to slide it on and it just won't fit.  Trying to calm myself down and make it work. 

I am very much looking forward to being controlled. I hope to get some long term tasks where I can sustain my submission over time, like wearing something under my clothes for mistress or doing something every time I use the bathroom for example.

In the interim I like signing in, seeing my mistress's beautiful worship pic and clicking the button. It makes me feel connected and committed. 

That's all I've got for now. I hope mistress is resting well for her celebrations tomorrow and I can't wait for the tasks to start Monday.